Hope.

It's really dark outside.  Really rainy, too.  In fact, it was so drab and rainy that my curly-Q babe slept in an extra half hour.  It was quite glorious.

The ironic thing about this morning is the fact that even though the sky is dusky, the ground is flooded, and the temperature cool, there is something about today that is full of Hope.

I am typically a very weather sensitive person.  If it's sunny, I'm happy.  If it's dark, I'm somber.  But today, it seems different.  It's as if the darkness of the outside is instead brewing a deep sense of anticipation...of expectation.

Time and time again, I've seen how triumph comes after a storm.  How beautiful comes from difficult.  How life comes from death.  Today is one of those days.

Sometimes we expect things to turn out a certain way.  We get our hopes up.  We dream.  Then, something different happens.  And the unexpected result can make us weary, disappointed, sick even.

I keep being reminded of that scripture today that reads "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of Life" (Proverbs 13:12).  That's really how it feels, isn't it?  You wait and wait, you think this is it and then that is it, and it isn't.  Makes a heart sick.  But then, after the waiting, after the trial and the error, it happens.  It's fulfilled.  It can be realized in a moment.  This process, of searching and seeking, of waiting and dreaming, is the Hope.  It's the journey.  It's a tree of Life.

This pilgrimage is the Tree of Life growing.  It goes through seasons of drought and seasons of fruit.  It goes through sunny days and rainy days. Each of them essential.  Each of them part of the voyage.

There's beauty in a leaf budding in the spring, and there is also allure in a leaf changing color in the Fall.  There's even elegance when there are no leaves at all.  If the leaves stayed during the winter, the ice would surely only bogg them down.  No, the winter needs the branches.  Because the branches can hold the stiffness of frozen water whereas the leaves could not.  And after the branches have done their duty, the leaves will bloom again.  They'll produce new fruit, new life.  And so goes the process.

That's how today feels.  Perhaps it's the after holiday "blues".  Perhaps it's that job you hoped you'd get or the miracle you were counting on.  It's hope deferred for a moment.  But then, if you allow it, it becomes a Tree of Life.  You feel the disappointment and you let the grief ride, and then, you get ready. You become available for the next installment.  What is my Hope for the day?  You can answer it the way you'd like.

Mine includes a faithful God.  A series of faithful acts when I've been faithless.  Another series of forgiveness when I've not been very forgiving.  Favor when I've not always acted righteously.  And love when sometimes love was the last thing on my mind.  He has become my Tree of Life.  He is my desire fulfilled.  And when my mind stays fast on this, the seasons seem a lot easier.  Not nearly as traumatic or unnerving.  Life is better.  My desire is fulfilled.  And my life goes through the pruning, through the sometimes drought, and through the blooming with great anticipation of what's to come.  The good that will be fostered, the truth that will be embroidered onto my soul, and the stature that is to be gained...that of a dense and lofty oak.  It is righteous and wise, strong and virtuous.  The sun gleams through its leaves and children play in its shade.  It's my legacy to leave.  It's my story and my song.

It is my Hope for today.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

 ⁸ We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. ⁹ We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. ¹⁰ Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

(corresponding song: This is Home by Jon Foreman)