El Roi, the God who sees.

To Dance: Part II

Perhaps you want to do this dance, this forgiveness dance. But you don't know how. You get angry, but it's not enough. It doesn't release enough because there is still an aching in your soul. There are still too many unanswered questions. Too much tugging at you to keep you from reaching the point of relief.

You know what has always helped me? Having someone with me. Knowing that there is another person with you who was there, who understands your feelings, whether you can express them or not. Isn't that what we're all searching for? Living life with someone...having someone understand us, validate us, and truly see us. Having someone tell us that "things will be ok" even if the walk is hard, even if the valley seems deep, and even if the pain seems too big.

It's part of being human. The desire for communion with another, the need for intimacy, the longing for someone to be so deeply connected to you that you could let all that other stuff go. A communion so deep that the freedom of Love would be enough to break down the walls of hurt and fear and unforgiveness. A place where you knew that you were safe...to just be. No performance, no striving, no worries of not being enough. No need to hide behind this career or that to do list, no need to hide behind this religious slogan or that hardened heart. I think we're all tired of it. All the "keeping it together". That keeping it together is often what holds us back from forgiving. Because if we acknowledge that we have been hurt, then we have to make a choice to forgive or not. If we decide to forgive, then we have to acknowledge the feelings that come from our hurt. If we feel those feelings, then we want someone to be with us. We don't want to be alone.

Well, there is good news. You don't need to be alone. There has been someone watching, and He knows exactly how you feel. You still may not understand all they why's in your head, but in reality it doesn't truly matter. Because this man, this El Roi, has experienced even worse. He was stripped naked, beaten, spit on, and hanged on a cross...and the paradox is, He had committed no crime. His only "offense" was claiming that he was Messiah, the Savior. Each of us, I'd say, could make quite a list of offenses. And those offenses, no matter big or small, deserve a consequence. But what if this, El Roi, said "Don't worry. I've got that one. I'll take it up for you." Changes things, doesn't it? Not only did he see what happened, but he also experienced it, and in his perfection, He made provision for it. Lash after lash, nail after nail. It makes it easier to let go...knowing that your circumstance has not only been understood, but it also has been carried by another. And in the carrying, it was forgiven.

"You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights. Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book." --Psalm 56:8

(corresponding song: Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band)