The Red List.

I've started accumulating a list.  It's called the Red List. It started Wednesday as I was working up a sweat mopping our hardwood floors.  To me, wood speaks of humility and of strength.  Jesus was a humble man, yet strong in identity, his Father's son. He was a wood-worker.  And as my nose beaded up with little sweat bubbles, I cleaned and polished the place that my family "walks" every single day (who says being a house wife is meaningless and easy? Sheesh!).

As I mopped, I opened my ears. I asked God about what I could do to release all those "offenses" I talked about the other day. I'll be honest, I'm usually more on the grace side than I am on the grudge side.  I typically will forgive someone way before they even apologize--and I've often even rationalized a person's behavior toward me even if it was wrong.  Revelation is a gift. And I tend to be gracefully gifted to see from time to time, but sometimes to my own detriment.  Allowing a person extra grace without much truth.  But as my little voice has started to rise, I've been able to still stand up for myself while also extending love and grace at the same time.  It's a tricky equation, but it feels like it's starting to balance it's way out in me.

And yet, even though I can lean toward forgiveness naturally, there are still a few areas where the dagger is deep...or it's repetitive. And that's where any trace of offense in my soul wants to linger. The only place it can keep its grip--and that's what He's currently highlighting.  Because you know what? 2012 is a NEW year. And He sure did work hard that day on Skull Hill in order to keep me free and pure from anything that hinders Love.  Anything that I am holding onto that isn't of Him, is of my own grabbing.

My biggest offense usually takes its place by what I mentioned in my last blog. Someone trying to downplay my little/BIG voice.  For a long time, I tried to scream over people like that. Like "HEY! What do you think you're doing?!! I can't talk any LOUDER! So, I'll get scrappy...like a little blond alleycat." Fiesty and determined and a little bit mean. When that didn't work out very well, I decided to try some other options.  It included taking risks, following my heart, building my spirit, and daring to live my dreams. It didn't matter what anyone else had to say, I was going to be me--whether anyone acknowledged it, saw it or not, I didn't care. I was just happy to finally start being free to be me without the hindrance of anyone else's opinion about it.

And oh boy, that came in a lot of different forms. I've held some funny and CRAZY jobs, moved across the country to unknown destinations, and now just may be putting my house up for sale 3 months before I'm having my second baby. I may be crazy, but I am wildly and adventurously living in the freedom of who He has called me to be. His.

And this reminds me of a funny story. It doesn't involve me but my hubby--similar situation though.  My huh-knee might not be petite or blond, but people with "small man" complex (as my friend so hilariously called it!) can try to cut off his voice when they get threatened by his aura of authority, wisdom, and smarts.  He is in fact his namesake, David, of the Bible--perhaps young--but wise and devoted enough to be King.

Anyhow, enough of my bragging! One Sunday morning, my huh-knee was outside in his garden.  He loves working the land, growing plentiful food for his family to eat, caring for the Earth, watching Life happen. A neighbor of ours (who Howie ALWAYS obnoxiously barks at, mind you) comes over to David asking if he was going to church that morning. Tennessee, ya'll--Bible Belt country. David replied, "I'm having church right here."  This neighbor then starts to belittle David's spirituality asking if he can mentor him and share the Bible with him.  David replies, "I'm already a Christian, but thanks." And it continues for a few more minutes until David comes in the house giggling over one of the more awkward neighborly conversations he's ever had.

Well, it just so happens that two nights ago, I wake up again in the middle of the night.  This time attempting to enjoy what I think will be a serene and beautiful experience with God, you know, comparable to my Valentine's Day present. Well, out of nowhere, at 12:22am, a loud horn starts blaring through the neighborhood.  David wakes up, I see Ella drowsily wake up in her video monitor, Howie's up....we're all up. "What is that? It happened yesterday during Ella's nap, too" I say to David.  David looks out the window to see this neighbor in his car, while the alarm is waking up the whole neighborhood, sitting in the driver's seat panicking----desperately pounding on his steering wheel.  Trying to get the noise to stop.  

What a picture.

We couldn't help but laugh.  And then in that laughing and the release of any frustration toward him, we could graciously pray for him. Oh, Jesus, help-this-guy-out.  He just needs a voice, too.  He needs someone to graciously pull the Hope out of him.  Someone to acknowledge that he has a purpose and has something to say--without all that static and horn blaring.

And, so, this is what I'm calling the Red List, the Grace List--contrary to the Black List.  I'm letting God bring those people to my mind.  The ones in whom I have carried offense--for this or for that.  And even if they were wrong, I'm asking for ways I can honor their voice. How can I speak love to them where they have been hurt? How can I pull the Hope out of them the way others did for me? It doesn't mean I let them continue to hurt me, it just means I speak back in love with authority.  Because real authority is Love.  And those who know Love can CHANGE THE WORLD.

May you spread love in all the unexpected and needed places today.

Happy Friday, World Changers!!!



Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24