Go Red for Women

Once an American Heart Association employee, always an AHA employee.  That's my personal motto anyway (and many others who have worked for that wonderful organization!).  It was my first job out of college. I had my degree in medicine, had some fundraising experience, and wouldn't you know it, a congenital heart defect.  Working for the AHA not only taught me how to be professional and how to have fancy schmancy business meetings with CEO's--but it also taught me about the bigger picture: my heart.

Most people wouldn't know that heart disease is the number one killer of women. I didn't.  And yet, I waltzed into that job coordinating Heart Walks in Northwest Ohio all while carrying around my very own leaky mitral valve and low blood pressure.  The ironic thing about it is how God uses the natural to explain the spiritual.  I didn't realize that working for the AHA would not only be a career choice for awhile but that it would also be a lifepath that I would walk down.

When I think of my physical heart, I also think of my emotional, spiritual heart.  It has a double meaning.  And when I look back at how God has ordained my steps, I can now see what He was doing with this job.  He's always giving us clues as to what He's up to...if we just take the time to listen.

During my job, I planned Heart Walks. I raised money. I met with volunteers. It was great and challenging and actually not at all up my alley interest-wise. In it's own unique way it provided me with stress, raising that low blood pressure.  This is not because the job in and of itself was bad. It was not--at all.  It was just that it wasn't my groove.  I wanted to spend all my time hanging out with the heart patients and survivors, hearing their stories and relishing in their victories.  The AHA wanted that, too, and relish they did.  But I was there to raise funds and to coordinate.  So, during the time I worked there, I did.  I did the more left-brained tasks that needed to be done but my heart yearned for the more relational aspect of the job.  Such is life, and so I only spent about a year or so in that actual job before I moved onto different endeavors that suited my giftings better.  But I will never forget the sweet time I had there and how I was impacted by the wonderful people I met and the integrity of the people I got to work with.  In fact, I've continued to carry that season with me and always look forward to Go Red for Women Day each February.

All this to say, I do actually have a point.

My point being this.  That job was sign.  It was a big arrow from Heaven pointing me in the direction God was taking me.  No, my leaky heart valve was not a huge cause for concern. I did not need surgery and only have a routine check up once a year to make sure it hasn't progressed.  And yet, my heart was still leaking.  It still needed healed.  And so do many women's hearts in this country.  And so, it has somewhat become a life mission of mine to care for my heart....and to care for other women's hearts. To find what makes my heart tick and to go after it--all the while encouraging other women to do the same.  If heart disease is the number one killer of women in this country, you know what that says to me? We have a lot of miserable women around here...literally dying of broken hearts. Bruised hearts.  Mistreated hearts. Neglected hearts.  Hearts that need to know true love, real nurture, and genuine adoration.

We have missed something.

Oh, you mean that strutting my stuff half naked is not good for my heart? It doesn't make me feel nurtured? Oh, you mean overcompensating for everyone else's issues and taking care of everyone else before myself is not a good idea?  What about staying in relationships with people who misuse and abuse me? That's not true love?

Nope.

Our sisters are dying out there, ladies.  In fact, some of us are dying. Trapped in the lies of this world--only being "cared" for by our appearance or by what we can offer someone who wants to take whatever we might have to give.  Don't let it be you.

Give yourself time.  Do things that you are passionate about.  Write. Run. Dance. Cook. Skydive. Surf. Eat chocolate! (Ok, not all the time, but definitely sometimes!)

And not only that....but face your fears.  It is so very worth it.  Especially when there is a gift behind it that is just waiting for you.  Don't put it off any longer.

I've been thinking a lot about our potential move.  We should find out soon if this is really the route we are going to go (you know, after we look at our appraisal and all those funny math figures and percentage signs I don't understand).  In fact, we're even checking out a few more houses this afternoon.  Like I said in my last blog, it brings up some fears and some anxieties for me.  The loss of control.  And at the same time, God has been giving me such peace about moving forward in the midst of my heart being scared. What if I have to keep a house clean with a newborn and a toddler and a St. Bernard while getting no sleep? What if we sell our house without finding a new one that we like--and in doing so leave such a precious home that we love? What if I have to put all of my stuff in storage? What if? What if?  And you know what He said to me while I was clearing out this clutter in the mind the last few days? "Sarah, your stuff (past) does not own you."

In fact, He's been caring for my heart so very uniquely in this situation that I am actually getting excited for my very own Heart Walk.  Facing my fears. Looking for my gift. I wish I could give you all the details...it really is a fantastic story.  But just know this, I've resolved in my heart that even if we put our house up for sale and say it doesn't sell or say we do all this work for it's upkeep and then we don't officially move, it will still be worth it.  Yes, God may very well have a nice new house for us.  It feels like He does.  But even if He doesn't, this process of letting go and facing my fears, it's worth it.  I'm caring for my heart.  I'm fighting heart disease.  And I will still get a gift, more of Him.  More freedom. More days to LIVE instead of just get by.  Isn't that what we all want?

Some people may read my blog rantings and think, "Wow, that girl's got some issues." And you know what? That's fine with me.  I may have some issues, but no matter what, living with a heart fully alive is so worth it (I'm pretty sure I just accidentally stole that line from a John Eldredge book).  But really. What a boring and miserable life we lead when we don't face our fears and work through hurts.  I'd much rather attempt to sell my house in the midst of pregnancy hormones, St. Bernard hair clumps, and smooshed goldfish crackers in my carpet because of a sweet blonde toddler---than to just sit back and wonder "What if?" To just let the anxiety own me.  To just let my "stuff" own me.

That's just plain lame.

So, whether you are in the midst of a major life transition or not, may you live with a fully alive heart today.  Go Red for Women.  Go Red for You.  Let yourself be cherished and cared for.  He's been waiting for us to say yes.

And as a side note, that leaky heart valve? It continues to heal more and more every year I get checked at the cardiologist.  In fact, the last time I went, my doctor could barely even see it on the echocardiogram....

He cares. He heals. He really does.