I Love Life.

A few days ago, as I was sorting the laundry, I came across one of my favorite shirts.  I don't get to wear it very often because it's a little too big, but it works out just perfectly when I'm pregnant. I remember buying it years before Ella was in the picture. Even though it was too big at the time, I had to have it.  It's bright pink and says "I Love Life."

Oh, isn't it true?

I love life. Real life.  Day to day drudgery caused by outside anxieties or my own anxieties is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the real thing.  When grace and truth melt together in a tangible way that changes our lives forever. That's real life.  And it tastes so very good. It tastes like Easter.

In reality, it's why I dance. Remember how I told you the story of being born with hip dysplasia? Dancing was definitely not on the list of my most likely "to do's". They thought I would limp...or perhaps be in a wheelchair.  The prognosis was not great, but God had other plans...because He loves life, too.

In fact, to take a step back even further, it even begins with something much deeper.  My very essence. I was conceived at a time when our country was in some turmoil. There was a recession, money was scarce, my parents weren't having an easy time financially.  People were worried that provision would not come. They lived in fear. And so you know what someone suggested? To just get rid of me. Thinking that aborting life was easier than carrying it through some hard times.

I've been thinking about that quite a bit this Holy Week. Life.

I see pictures on Facebook (and everywhere) of all different kinds of extremes. This battle over Life. Over the Resurrection.

It seems as though we are at a cross roads. We have people on one side saying it's a woman's right to choose and that it's her body.  On the other side, we have people saying it's a human life--and no one has the right to choose to end a human life.  We have people passionate on both sides of the coin--and I'd say a lot of those who are passionate about it may not have any idea what it takes to carry a baby to full term.  Perhaps that's why we haven't made too much progress in our campaigns.

If we look at our lives and other people's lives as a campaign or as a power struggle, we won't ever get anything much accomplished.  There won't ever be much "life" to show for it. I saw a bumper sticker today on my way to dance rehearsal (while wearing my pink shirt). Want to know what it said?

"When the power to love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

If that doesn't sound like Good Friday, I'm not sure what does.

Jesus, naked and broken, laid down his very life to sacrifice it for someone else. Me. You.

He suffered. He said no to any agenda, to any struggle over power or fame. He was spit on. Taunted until He breathed His last breath.

He carried His life-- and ours-- to full term, never getting ahead of Himself. He embraced the cross.  He embraced my consequences. Those decisions I've made outside of covenant with Him, He still took them upon Himself. The only question He asked was "Will you follow me?"  Sounds like a woman who may have found herself in a compromising position. A Mary Magdelene perhaps. She was one of Jesus' favorites, in fact. Broken, abandoned, wounded...maker of a few wrong choices. And yet, where did she find herself when Jesus was dying His death for her? At His feet....crying with Him. Serving Him.

On the other hand, there were others present that day on Skull Hill. We also have those cheering "Crucify Him! Make Him suffer. Where can I find a bigger rock to throw? If He says that He is the God's Son, why doesn't He just get off that cross? Save yourself!" They do all this while He hangs there, not saying a word. Just embracing the pain.  He knows that His resurrection will come, and it will be worth it.

Unfortunately, sometimes I'm not sure that we have really come very far from this scenerio.  We still have half of the population suffering under the weight of abandonment, brokenness, and perhaps a wrong choice. On the other hand, we have those judging the ones who are in that very position.  If a woman chooses life after she's looked for love in all the wrong places, she is scorned for being "unwed". She often has to fend for herself and isn't given much of a chance to survive, let alone the help to nurture a life well.  And on the other hand, if she chooses to abort, she often receives judgement, stone throwing and a life of shame.  Not to mention, there is usually no life in any form to show for it.  And then somewhere in the middle is an even more sad state, where a woman stands before the Cross and spits. Life completely disregarded. No intention of carrying any bit of promise to fulfillment.  When life isn't even considered worthy, it's the most devastating.

Speaking from a woman who has lost a baby, I know the anquish of mother whose had life plunged from her body, with no hope of survival. It's painfully difficult to understand how I can have such feelings of sadness and pain when a 6.5 week old life is stolen from my body--and yet another woman may easily "choose" for that to happen on purpose. I don't wish those feelings of turmoil on any woman--whether they've chosen it or not. It's a horrendous battle to face, even if you think you're ignoring it.

And, yet, no one is worthy of speaking into that delicate of a situation unless it comes from a place of Love. It's not about power or about inflicting our personal pain onto one another. None of us actually hanged on that cross, except for Jesus. He's the only one who gets to touch that.  Any of our meager attempts to do so in our own strength only push us further down the distrastrous cycle of death...contributing to the greatest genocide of humankind. The one that's happening in our very own backyard.

We must learn love first. It can't be about power, or winning, or "teaching someone something".  And it definitely can't be about using our own pain to blame someone else. Oh, how did our hearts become so calloused? How did we get so far away from the cross?

How did our love for "life" become a battle of mother vs. child? Isn't a child supposed to be created in the safety of a mother's womb?

It's amazing any of us survive at all with the amount of choices we're given now-a-days.  And, yet, it's amazing that any of us survive with the amount of judgement we carry toward one another in our sufferings as well.

I suppose abortion isn't typically a Good Friday sort of topic, and yet, if we're ever to get anywhere in our search for prosperity and peace as people, and as a nation, and as a world---I think it's needs to be.

The new baby girl moving in my belly reminds me of this as I type.  We've nicknamed her Baby Red.  Full of Grace. Full of the Cross.  She's my promise of a fulfilled womb after an empty one remained prematurely.

She kind of reminds me of Easter...

Full of Life and Full of Hope.  Made from Love.

We have a choice this Good Friday as to how we respond to Life.  It may not come in the packages we expected.  It may not be a child.  It may be something else, a different situation. A different crossroads.  And yet, we do have a choice.  On this Good Friday, I hope we can choose Love. I hope we can choose Life.