More.

Ella has these gummy vitamins that she absolutely LOVES.  She's barely had any candy, so aside from fruit, receiving these "treats" is one of her most favorite times of the day.  After she finished her lunch yesterday, I said "Ella. Want a vitamin?" to which she smiled big and started excitedly wiggling in her seat.  I tore the gummy bear in half and set it in her hand.  She hurriedly accepted it and quickly whipped out her sign language for "More".  She knows that she will receive the other half, but I always have to remind her to "chew, chew, chew" what she has in her mouth first.

Her childlike faith already knows how to "open her mouth wide and let it be filled with good things" (Psalm 81:10), and she's excited about the prospect of getting "more" of that gummy goodness (which is actually wonderfully healthy for her!).  And, yet, as her mama, I also have to remind her to eat up what she currently has in order to get more.

Great lesson, isn't it?  I'm a visionary by nature. I automatically dream big and see how excitedly great my belly could feel when I envision God doing something crazily huge and unexpected.  I root for underdogs.  I love when the young David's of the family become King.  I just naturally have a heart for the marginalized.  I once bought the ugliest Beta fish in the whole pet store because I knew that no kid was going to pick him, and so I was gonna love him good. It's just how I am.

And in the midst of being a visionary and dreaming big, I am so glad that I have had a Father who has been wise enough to have me chew everything in my mouth before giving me "more".  The first time "around", I grew up too fast.  I took on too much, I was involved in everything, I didn't get adequate rest, I rarely had "quiet time" to myself.  It wreaked havoc on my diet, on my energy level, on my physical well-being--not to mention my spiritual well-being. And now, though I am still mostly extroverted, my introvert side has steadily been creeping up to a matching pace.  I need down time, chewing time if you will.

I like to call my chewing time: Living in the Now.

It's the perfect complement to Dreaming Big.  Together, they're like an old couple so deeply in love after 50 years of marriage.  I believe that deep down, everyone wants that.

Being fully in love for the long haul.


That's what 2012 feels like for me.  The de-cluttering of our "house" felt somewhat final.  It's not that we would never have to spring clean again, there is always going to be maintenance.  But there is a sense that something has shifted, and life is really here.  It's not that it wasn't here before, but there have been obstactles in my way that have prevented me from seeing that it was available.  Some were my fault, some were the decisions of others, and some were just a measure of timing. It's just the reality of being a human being.  And yet, something in the air has been cleared in order for me to take my "Living in the Now" much more deliberately.  I believe this is God.  This is His grace and His goodness.  Though He never wavers in His love for us, He has created times and seasons.  I believe He enjoys the hot sun in the summer and also the blustery cold of winter.  He loves being with us to celebrate birthdays, to open presents on Christmas, and to relax with us on the Sabbath.  He also loves our seasons that feel somewhat dry and desert-like (and even flat out desperate) because those seasons remind us to lean on Him--that only His grace is sufficient in our weakness and that only He can provide.  He is the Dad.  We are the kids.

Living in the Now also reminds me of my namesake, Sarah.  She was promised a child when she was well past child-bearing years.  Her only job was to accept the word and believe that God would do what He said He would.  I imagine that her faith grew as her belly did.  She probably gained patience and longsuffering and strength in the midst of her 9 months of pregnancy.  She did not have ultrasounds like we do, she probably couldn't often see the progress (as sometimes we don't), and yet when that baby started to kick and move in her belly--she knew it was real.  There was a turning point.  A sobering realization that what He said He would do was really happening, and all the years of barrenness had been shaping her and leading her to be able to enjoy the fruit of her womb in the purest and the most humbling of forms.  She knew that God had been faithful.  All she did was believe and agree (after she laughed out of disbelief first--ha ha--don't we all?).

And so, as I feel my spunky little one currently having a dance party in my belly, it's a reminder to me. Live fully in it.  Chew every bite. Taste and see that God is good.

Soak it up.  Laugh really loud. Smile really big.

And on those days when a storm comes through or when the unexpected trips me up, or my dreaming big gets tainted by selfishness, when I've forgotten how to live in the Now, and hopelessness starts to creep in---I'll just cry really good.  Get frustrated, angry, sad, and apologize if needed.  And then I'll remind myself Who is in charge.  I'll remind myself of the beauty of patience and perseverance and faith.  I'll remind myself that the God who is in charge of my dreams is bigger than the dream itself.  He is the dream come true. And I have the joy of living in Him now.

It's all about our perspective.

And when He graciously shows us how to balance the two, living in the Now and dreaming for the future--life gets good.  Like really, really good.  It's full of peace and full of promise.  It's just plain full.

Speaking of, I just got a text message from my hubby.  You know what it said? "Marrying you was the greatest thing I ever did. Ever."

That's what I'm talking about. We're in love for the long haul.

Enjoy your Now as His big dreams for you become reality....