New.

The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.  Life is full of surprises.

Unexpecteds.

Adventures.

Shock.

Heartache.

And Redemption.

Life is also full of a lot of other things.  Those are just the few that have chimed true for me recently.

It seems to me that the more I hold onto things, the more I need to let them go.

There are rumors out there that say that holding tight to things means you care.  Remember, Jack and Rose? "I'll never let go, Jack, I'll never let go."  And though there is definite truth and love connected to her words, I've realized that the more I let go, the more I live.  It doesn't mean that I don't care, it doesn't mean that it didn't matter, it doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt every once and awhile.  It just means that I'll let God take His course.

Because living with a heart that is alive is worth it.

Sometimes we have to live through heartache in order to see the beauty of the other side.  I think about the challenges that my life has had to offer.  I mostly look back and say, "Wow. I'm so grateful that I had to walk through that; it transformed me so much.  But I never want to do that again."  And after I get a break in the clouds and a little refreshment, the next challenge comes along.  And though it has similar effects, it's a different experience.

And because of those experiences, I feel rich.

Don't get me wrong.  In the midst of them, there is usually kicking and screaming.  Sometimes an expletive or two.  And most always, chocolate.

I often tell God how I don't want to do this or that, how it's too hard, or it's "not fair".  And then He reminds me that I don't see how He sees.  And as I go through the journey that He has for me, I always come to find out that He was right.  I don't always understand it even after it happens.  But I feel it, the change in me.  The freedom.

I saw a quote yesterday that made me smile: "Just when the caterpillar was about to give up, it turned into a butterfly."  I wonder how many times I was about to give up and hang my hat, and then that extra grace showed up just in time.  I'm sure all of our lives are full of stories like that.  Just in the nick of time.

And because of it, I realize yet again, that any effort I have given falls short.  There is nothing I can do to fix life or make it fit into a day planner in such a neat fashion.  Instead, I just hold on to that unmerited gift.  The one that was perfect and given for me to do just that.  I remind myself that God didn't have to redeem my life; He wanted to.  He missed me. And there are still parts of me, that He created, that He misses.  And so, because of the babe in a manger, I get to slowly receive those parts of me back.  It may take some heartache, and it may take some letting go of the securities I've held onto.  But what I get in return is Redemption.  I share in the sufferings of the One who died for me, and I also receive the glory of His resurrection.  If that doesn't make life worth living, I'm not sure what does.

It's a new life everyday.  No matter the mistakes.  No matter the failures.  No matter the challenges.  It's all good.  As our stories become History.


(corresponding song: Life in Technicolor II by Coldplay)