The last two times I've taken communion at church, I have had quite the experiences. One was at least a month ago. Our pastor was speaking on the restoration of broken dreams, broken lives, etc. I can't remember all the details perfectly at this moment, but the three seasons he spoke about that revolved around these broken dreams went something like this.
When God speaks a word over your life, you go through three seasons. First, it seems IMPOSSIBLE. Then, it is DIFFICULT. And then, it is FINISHED.
The next thing I remember was communion being passed around the sanctuary. The bread got to me, and I about lost it. The presence of God was so heavy and so thick, this pregnant lady just about dropped to the ground immediately. He was filling my empty spaces before I even got the bread in my mouth. I looked over at David as if to say, "Hey--God's got me in a beautiful headlock, if I pass out, I'm ok" but it did no good because he was in his own God headlock...catching his own wave of Restoration.
The next time we were at church, it was our turn to serve the communion. After my incident the previous week, I was hoping that I could keep it together just enough to actually pass out the goods to everyone else---without spilling grape juice all over the carpet.
Thankfully, all went well.
Until I reached the communion cart.
I started to put the leftover bread and juice back on the cart, and the next thing I heard was our pastor saying something about Fire. You know, God, our friend--the All Consuming Fire.
Before I could even attempt to keep it together, I was holding onto that cart for dear life. Heat washed over me, and my body was shaking. Fire, it was. "Oh God, consume me. Burn up the dross. Let me burn." It was a fantastic prayer in the moment, and He was giving me tangible evidence that He was answering.
A few weeks go by, and that Fire started to manifest in my life....you know practically. That's how God often works.
And you know what I started to do?
Complain.
"Oh, God. This hurts. I'm mad, I'm frustrated. I can't take this anymore! Whine, whine, whine."
And then it occurred to me. Whining is often my default position....you know, right before God totally shows off. Kinda of like some friends I like to read about, the Israelites. They'd be wandering in the Wilderness starving, and then God would show up with food from Heaven. They'd look at the manna and say "What is it?" Then, they'd complain...wanting something ELSE."
Same here, Israelites. I understand your futility. Default position: "Whine."
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a total heathen. I whine in the midst of grasping for Faith. Desperately grasping for Faith. But the thing is, in order for that faith to be pure and restful and joyful, I have to be burned.
Alive.
All the things that keep me from moving forward have to fall away. It doesn't mean that God isn't coming through with the promise He spoke. Remember the stages? Impossible, Difficult, Finished.
It just reminds me not to be in such a hurry. One of the things I've been learning the last 5 years is to relish in the moment. I've been soaking up the simple things. Cadbury Creme Eggs. A curly-Q toddler and her big dog. Hiccups from the baby in my belly. Crying really good when I'm upset. Breaking out into song...in public. And you know what, it's changed me. Transformed me.
When the going gets tough, I often tend to still default into whining. And to a certain extent, there are emotions that definitely need to be released. I used to be an emotion stuffer. I've got about 21 years of unresolved "stuff" making it's way out over the last 9 years. That's a pretty big deal.
So, when I get to the point of "feeling", I allow it. It must come out. But when I get to the point of whining, then it's time to re-evaluate. That's usually where the Fire comes in. We go from Glory to Glory. Life to Life.
The life I was leading was serving me just fine for the time being. It was where I was at. And, now, God's offered me a promotion. In His graciousness, I accepted the challenge. I prayed the prayer. And now, He's answering it.
And I have yet another chance to respond.
It is tempting to pout. "Hurry up. You're not moving fast enough." But how rude is that?
Very.
So, instead, I'm attempting to be proactive in my ways of gratitude for the manna He is dropping in my lap minute by minute. A lot of you have probably heard of the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. Oh, is it good! I'm reading it with a few of my friends currently, and we are in the beginning stages of capturing our thoughts by giving thanks instead of saying "gimme gimme gimme".
I'll leave with you a line from Chapter 3, which I just finished yesterday. She's been reading my mail, I think. Or, rather, I'm reading hers. Or both.
"I, too, had read it often, the oft-quoted verse: "And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name our our Lord Jesus Christ" (Ephesians 5:20). And I, too, would nod and say straight-faced, "I'm thankful for everything." But in this counting gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life. A lifetime of sermons on "thanks in all things" and the shelves sagging with books on these things and I testify: life-changing gratitude does not fasten to life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time.
Little nails and a steady hammer can rebuild a life--eucharisteo (communion) precedes the miracle."
And so, when I look around at life and what I might feel like is not happening the way I'd like it to, I go back to that first sermon. Impossible, difficult, finished. We're definitely passed the impossible stage. I know it's possible now. I got through the demon who was guarding his territory. Now, we're in difficult. And instead of whining, I want to choose joy. I want to be thankful for what I have now. And in this thankfulness, I can excitedly expect the best of God to move in even greater measure.
Because that's who He is. He is the I AM. Provider of all my needs.
So, with that, I leave you on TGIF! Thank God it's Friday. I have a whole weekend of exciting things to look forward to. On Sunday, I will lovingly embrace my eucharisteo. And when Monday comes, I will have just as many miracles to look forward to--even if they pose more difficult than the weekend.
I've already started my list of One Thousand Gifts....and I'm not about to stop now.
Woo hoo!
"Rejoice in the Lord always (delight, gladden yourselves in Him), and again I say rejoice!" Philippians 4:4
(Yes, I definitely did see that 44!)
beautiful!
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