Still Believing...

Continuing on my journey toward "believing", I've been burying my head in the Gospels again.  Studying this guy named Jesus.  Curious as to how and why, once again, He is throwing 44's in my path.  Why is my believing so important to Him?  It is obviously important, as it is everywhere I turn.

At first, it was sheer delight.  I'd see this 44, and He was confirming my dreams and desires.  Every time I saw the 44, I knew it was Him.  He was saying "Yes, it's me.  Go ahead.  Keep dreaming, keep moving forward."  At this time, this was exactly what I needed.  The confirmation.  Agreement with Him and agreement with my spirit.  Moving forward.

I saw doors open, I walked through them.  I gained more confidence.  What I desired was really for me.  I was not only allowed to have it, He'd been waiting for me to take it.

Then, there were days where nothing necessarily happened in the natural to progress where I was "going", and yet the 44's still followed me.  Multiplied even.

It was in these days that I wondered "Ok. I've been believing...but now I'm waiting some more?"  And so I'd believe some more, even when nothing seemed to happen, trying with all my might to keep the hope alive.  I once heard that when it feels like God is silent or when you feel like you are in a waiting period, God is actually doing more in your heart than if you were actually "moving". True dat.

I'm amazed at the anxiety and frustration and bad behavior that ensues in a time of waiting.  I think of Ella, sitting at her high chair with an empty tray as I cut up her strawberries.  Somedays, you'd think she hadn't eaten for days.  Whining and crying..."Give me the dang strawberries!" (Even though she can't talk yet).  And I look over at her and say, "Ella, you need to be patient.  I'm getting your food ready for you. Have I ever not fed you when you're sitting in your high chair?"  And God says, "Good parenting, Sarah. True dat."

Oh.

And so, I gain more confidence as I wait.  As the chaos of life continues to rise and my spirit starts to settle.  And in the midst of it, the 44 starts to become even more clear.  Does it represent my dreams and desires coming true? Absolutely.  Does it mean moving forward with those things even when it's difficult? Absolutely.  But even more so, believing means this:

"Go in peace.  Your faith has healed you." (One of Jesus' most common phrases in the Gospels.)

Believe.  Be healed.  Go in peace.

In my previous blog, I wrote about my DNA calling me to believe.  That it was engrained in me.  My heart beated for it. Little did I know at that time that my actually body was crying out a prayer to be healed. Returning to my Divine Design. When we see and believe God for who He says He is, our faith has healed us.  It opens the door for transformation in our souls. 44 happens.  And keeps happening.

The more we believe, the more we see our dreams become reality.  And as they come true, we see Who did it.  And we are healed. Seeing that God has heard our prayers.  That He takes notice to our desires, not only the big ones but also the everyday little ones.

And in the healing, we are more and more connected to our Creator.  We move toward wholeness.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, tearing up as I was telling her how my dreams were turning into reality.  I went on to say, "And it's not even the glitz and the fun of it all that makes me most excited.  It's that this is really Him.  What I've been believing for all this time, its been Him all along. "

(Sorry about the glare--44 degrees)

Go in peace. Your faith has healed you.



(corresponding song: Good Life by One Republic)