Passover Week

Monday evening started Passover Week. A time to clean your home of yeast and then to offer up a sacrifice to the Lord.  Those who had the blood of the Passover Lamb over their doorposts would be, in fact, "passed over", left untouched by the judgement they deserved.

Only the blood of a pure sacrificial Lamb would do.

A foreshadowing. Of what was to come.

A perfect man. Who, tomorrow, would be sacrificed.

So that I could be "passed over".

Left untouched by the wrath I have deserved.

And instead, wooed to a deeper place in His heart.

This week, I've seen the yeast of my life rise to the surface, resulting in my fears, my control, my shame being on broad display.  It feels extremely vulnerable...all those things I thought I'd dealt with...up close and personal.  Not only sometimes teetering around me but also mocking me, trying to make me believe that once again, there is no hope.

And yet, in the midst of this mocking, in the midst of the darkness, I hear a Heart beating.

The Heart does not say that what I have done is ok or what I have held onto is ok or what I have feared is ok...

but what it tells me instead is "I have made a way for you."

"Then I heard your heart beating..
You were in the darkness, too...
So I stayed in the darkness with you"

And, so, we take a walk to the top of Skull Hill. For what seemed like eternity at the time, we feel. The heaviness, the burden.  All of those things that held me down, held me captive.  We feel.

We walk.

Sharing in my sufferings.

It's like a chaotic kaleidoscope. Everything swirling around. Hurt. Pain. Sin. Grief.

Yet in the midst of it all, the Heartbeat grows louder and louder.

And louder.

Until before I know it, all I hear is the Beat.  No longer the swirling.  No longer the pain. The guilt.  The shame.

And then, I am caught up.

In a vortex.

Of Love. Of peace.

And so starts, a dance.

That cannot be contained.

~And suddenly there was an earthquake! For the angel of the Lord came down from heaven and rolled away the stone, and sat on it.  His face shown like lightning and his clothing was white as snow.

The angel spoke to the women there, "Do not be afraid! I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.  He isn't here; He has risen from the dead, just as He said would happen.  Come, see, where His body was lying."

"And now, go quickly, and tell His disciples that He has risen from the dead and He is going ahead of you to Galilee.  You will see Him there.  Remember what I have told you."

The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel's message.  And as they went, Jesus met them and greeted them.   And they ran to him, grasped His feet, and worshipped Him." (Matthew 28)~


And so it is with me.  And you.

He is not dead.  He is Alive.  Bringing Health to the dry bones.  Bringing Voice to the voiceless.  Bringing Hope to the hopeless. Bringing Life to the dead.

Happy Passover....


Happy Resurrection Day!


(corresponding song: Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine)

Awakening.

It's been a very mellow type of day.  I've been going through my journals from years past.  I came upon a journal entry where I had been studying the Song of Songs.  Below is what I had written.  I came across the same verses written again several pages later...and another several pages later....and another journal later.  I remember studying this passage.  Thankful for the years Mike Bickle spent (and is spending) in this book of the Bible, I vividly remember him describing the importance of these two passages.  Specifically the first one.  He encouraged us to memorize it, dissect it, write it out.  And so, I did.  I took it apart piece by piece and word by word, re-wrote it according to each individual word's meaning.

It's been toiling over again and again in my mind the last week or so.


Song of Songs 5:10-16 (The Shulamite Woman to her Love)

My husband is radiant and harmonious; He is incomparably distinguished among all others.
His sovereignty is of highest quality; His consecration to me is full of vigor and eternally dedicated.
His perfect knowledge and wisdom has singleness of vision and His view is through the cleanness of his heart, pure, with perfect discernment.
The windows of His emotions are abundant and diverse.  The power of His words are sweet and satisfying, consistently growing with the embrace of death.
The way He accomplishes His work is divinely deliberate; His tender compassion is especially unique with precious beauty.
His purposeful walk does not waiver and is pure.  The impartation to His people is glorious and strong with excellent fragrance.
Intimacy with Him is the most delightful thing to my soul.  He is completely perfect.  This is my Husband, this is my comrade, O sisters of the faith.

Song of Songs 6:4-10 (The Love to the Shulamite woman)

O My Bride, your cultivated beauty will win cynics and those blinded and darkened of heart; your inner beauty reflects the glory of your undivided heart toward me, and you are victorious to defeat the powers of darkness.
I can barely handle it; your devotion conquers my heart.  Your dedication to me is majestic and well fed on my Love.
Your means to receive me is free from fleshly zeal, pure, and abundantly fruitful.
Sweet is your godly countenance in the secret place.
You are honored above the glorious hosts of heaven.
My daughter, perfected by my love, I am satisfied by you alone.  You were brought forth from the church, the favorite of their efforts.  Your spiritual maturity will be blessed by the daughters who will come forth.
Who is this as the sun comes up from the night, with light to bring deliverance to the captives, shining with His brilliance, terrifying to the powers of darkness?







And who says the Bible is boring?


(corresponding song: Can I Stay by Ray Lamontagne)

Still Believing...

Continuing on my journey toward "believing", I've been burying my head in the Gospels again.  Studying this guy named Jesus.  Curious as to how and why, once again, He is throwing 44's in my path.  Why is my believing so important to Him?  It is obviously important, as it is everywhere I turn.

At first, it was sheer delight.  I'd see this 44, and He was confirming my dreams and desires.  Every time I saw the 44, I knew it was Him.  He was saying "Yes, it's me.  Go ahead.  Keep dreaming, keep moving forward."  At this time, this was exactly what I needed.  The confirmation.  Agreement with Him and agreement with my spirit.  Moving forward.

I saw doors open, I walked through them.  I gained more confidence.  What I desired was really for me.  I was not only allowed to have it, He'd been waiting for me to take it.

Then, there were days where nothing necessarily happened in the natural to progress where I was "going", and yet the 44's still followed me.  Multiplied even.

It was in these days that I wondered "Ok. I've been believing...but now I'm waiting some more?"  And so I'd believe some more, even when nothing seemed to happen, trying with all my might to keep the hope alive.  I once heard that when it feels like God is silent or when you feel like you are in a waiting period, God is actually doing more in your heart than if you were actually "moving". True dat.

I'm amazed at the anxiety and frustration and bad behavior that ensues in a time of waiting.  I think of Ella, sitting at her high chair with an empty tray as I cut up her strawberries.  Somedays, you'd think she hadn't eaten for days.  Whining and crying..."Give me the dang strawberries!" (Even though she can't talk yet).  And I look over at her and say, "Ella, you need to be patient.  I'm getting your food ready for you. Have I ever not fed you when you're sitting in your high chair?"  And God says, "Good parenting, Sarah. True dat."

Oh.

And so, I gain more confidence as I wait.  As the chaos of life continues to rise and my spirit starts to settle.  And in the midst of it, the 44 starts to become even more clear.  Does it represent my dreams and desires coming true? Absolutely.  Does it mean moving forward with those things even when it's difficult? Absolutely.  But even more so, believing means this:

"Go in peace.  Your faith has healed you." (One of Jesus' most common phrases in the Gospels.)

Believe.  Be healed.  Go in peace.

In my previous blog, I wrote about my DNA calling me to believe.  That it was engrained in me.  My heart beated for it. Little did I know at that time that my actually body was crying out a prayer to be healed. Returning to my Divine Design. When we see and believe God for who He says He is, our faith has healed us.  It opens the door for transformation in our souls. 44 happens.  And keeps happening.

The more we believe, the more we see our dreams become reality.  And as they come true, we see Who did it.  And we are healed. Seeing that God has heard our prayers.  That He takes notice to our desires, not only the big ones but also the everyday little ones.

And in the healing, we are more and more connected to our Creator.  We move toward wholeness.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, tearing up as I was telling her how my dreams were turning into reality.  I went on to say, "And it's not even the glitz and the fun of it all that makes me most excited.  It's that this is really Him.  What I've been believing for all this time, its been Him all along. "

(Sorry about the glare--44 degrees)

Go in peace. Your faith has healed you.



(corresponding song: Good Life by One Republic)

Covenant.

It's a covenant type of day.  Sunny, wind blowing, and skies bright as far as you can see.

Yesterday it was also a covenant type of day.  Stormy, very stormy.  Stuck in the house all day.  Had to face my laundry pile.

But back to today.  I'd rather think about today. Right?

It occurred to me this morning as I was loading up a dirty pile of laundry that somehow escaped being washed (or wait, was I procrastinating?).  Covenant.

Minutes before hoisting this load into the washer, my husband kissed me goodbye.  Off to work and his world.  It was this short kiss, that moments later, made me ponder.  Covenant.

I thought about when we first met and were infatuated with one another--walking all the way across campus just to see each other for five minutes before class.  Then, we got engaged, got married, had a baby.

Now, there's chores (yes, laundry), mopping the floor after Howie travels the kitchen while chomping on his food, wiping baby booties, midnight teething, and day-to-day life.  Less infatuating, let's be honest.

But there's covenant.

There is a mutual understanding that we will never leave one another, that I can roll over in bed with my troll hair and stinky morning breath, and he will love me all the same.  If not more.

And then there's those times where even when I've done something to really get under his skin, or when I've said something way before my brain had the chance to say "Don't say that!"...well, I know it will eventually end up with an "I forgive you" after an "I'm sorry" of course.

It's covenant.

Much like God.  Actually, God's covenant is way better.  He is way more patient than any of us down here. When I roll over in the morning and crank on the coffee pot, He's already prepared Himself for my day.  For my mess-ups, for my frustrations, that slow car in front of me when I'm running late.  He's seen the dirty diapers, Howie throwing up on the carpet because Ella sneaked him too much people food, and the mundane of wiping down the counters fifty times a day.  But you know what? He ain't going anywhere.  He's hanging out right there in the middle of my day--and even better, He isn't surprised by any of it.  Whether it's good, bad, or ugly.

It's covenant.

We laugh together, we cry together.  We battle wars together, we watch sappy movies together, we live life...together.  No worries about what may come our way, because no matter what does, we face it together.  I can be honest with my feelings with Him, and He can lovingly show me the Truth--even when I may not want to acknowledge it.  And when I stutter my way through figuring out if I really believe Him or not, He's patient.  He waits for me.  Continues to be there even when I don't understand.

Awesome, right?

So, whether I'm up or down, happy or sad, peaceful or anxious, there it is.  Covenant.


Makes dirty socks not seem so bad.  Off to fold my laundry....... :D



(corresponding song: Gone in the Morning by Newton Faulkner)