Surfin'.

I am currently sitting Indian-style in a slobber covered loveseat--with residual chunks of Ella's spilled and St. Bernard-chewed "snack" digging into my ankles.  I have an iced latte, which I made about an hour ago, to my right.  I have only gotten to sip one sip since making that first beloved cup of caffeine at 11:30am.  I've been up since 4am. I also am wearing a new perfume that I'd like to call sour milk meets postpartum hormonal sweat.

And you know what, it's ok.

I spent the entire morning scooping up a crying newborn while a toddler pulled at my arm to get me off the couch because a St. Bernard was devouring the snack she had sitting on the ottomon.  We did this about fifteen times until I just stood in the middle of the living room looking at all the crumbs, and slobber, and all the toys covering the carpet and.........laughed.

I mean, really. What else is there to do?

I'd like to say that this state of chaos is the result of my promotion.  I made it! Two kids!  It's kind of like when you first take flight.  In order to get above the clouds--to go really fast--you have to actually pass through the clouds.  And usually that causes a little turbulence.

We go from glory to glory.

And I now that I received my promotion, I'm learning the ropes.

I figure with these stages in life, we can look at this several ways.  1. I can drive myself crazy by trying desperately to "keep everything together". 2. Or I can just roll with the punches.

I've decided to roll with the punches.  Life is messy.  Kids are messy.  St. Bernards are messy.  My husband is......(just kidding, huh-knee!).  Actually, shout out to that man of a husband. He has cleaned the house every morning before leaving for work....including doing laundry, sweeping, mopping, you name it. I'm not sure how I got so blessed.

But back to rolling with the punches.....

I've been thinkin'. Me? Thinkin'? I know, big shock.  But really. This chaos. It's kind of beautiful.  It's made me think about vulnerability.  And about acceptance.  And about being ok with where I am.  All the time.  It's breaking down even more layers of control in my life...more layers of that "what if someone saw my house like this right now?"  In fact, I thought to myself...."Who can I invite over right now? I need someone to see this.  I need that raw reality.  Vulnerability.  Hey people--this is where I am.  I'm sitting in a crumb-covered loveseat, and I'm not even thinking about vacuuming it up."

I once had someone ask me how I can blog so candidly about my life.  How I can hope for such wild and crazy dreams to come true--and just put them out there on the internet--even if I don't know how they'll take shape or if I'll fail or not.  I simply replied, "What do I care what people think?"

Now--granted--I was in a moment of strength at the time.  There are other times I do care what people think.  But, as I've been gaining a new sense of acceptance and self-worth over the last year or so, I've come to realize that anything less than me being honest about where I am is just boring.  And so not relationally fulfilling.  I'm not interested in anyone's surface life--I want the real deal.  The nitty-gritty.  In fact, I usually make new friends by saying something like: "Hi, I'm Sarah--here's my life story. What's yours?! Please make sure to include details. I love details."

And so, upon having a second child, I am learning yet another layer of nitty-gritty.  New phase in life....and you know what? There's no way for me to keep a clean house right now.  But, I'm happy as a clam.  I'm learning how to ride the wave.  Surfing isn't fun if you never brave a bigger and more challenging wave.

And that's what this feels like.

People keep asking me how I'm doing with the transition.  And thankfully, I have to say that it's been way easier than expected.  Not necessarily because there is not chaos...because there is chaos.  But because I know how to surf better than I did the first time.  And that doesn't necessarily have to do with my parenting skills but simply with my state of perspective.  With my understanding of Rest.

He is good....all the time. And so I give myself permission to relax........and roll with the punches.


Happy Thursday! I think I might go take a shower now.....