Detox.

Nothing quite says deliverance like a bought of food poisoning.

I have only had food poisoning twice in my life. Once was less than a year ago. Something tells me that either food is getting worse these days, I'm getting way more sensitive, or both.

I'm hankering on both.

And in the hankering, I bargained with God.  You know what I'm talking about.  Head flung over the toilet, I started repenting for any possible sin that could have creeped into my life because for-the-love-of-God, I just wanted to stop throwing up.  Yeah, that kind.  It was awful. And my fever just finally broke a few hours ago.

The way I see it, God has me graciously shoved in a corner.  I had a dream several weeks ago.  I was driving on a huge bridge.  There was a truck in front of me, and there was a van in the lane to left of the truck.  Without looking, the van merged into the truck's lane.  The truck (being struck by the van) flew off the bridge, and I watched it catapult to what seemed would definitely be death.  All I remember when I woke up was hearing a voice that said, "Stay in your lane!!"

And immediately after that dream, my boundaries started to tighten up.  You know when you start to get angry because someone stepped in your space? Ah, yes. That. Anger in this regard isn't wrong, it just usually shows me that I need to re-evaluate some things.  I tried to think of practical ways to "stay in my lane". Where did I find myself most annoyed? And then it hit me.

The Facebook Status Feed.

I love Facebook. I LOVE that I get to see my friend's kiddos grow up. I love that I can pray for friends who are having a hard day and celebrate with others who are having a great day. I am a people person. And, yet, call me crazy...but somehow I've ended up with some insane "friends".  And, you know what, now they're now driving ME insane.  I get on the computer to see one of those funny Panda sneezing videos that will make me laugh, only to get bombarded by 50 statuses about politics, about a hundred more about chicken, and even more pictures that people took of themselves with their phone in the bathroom.  And I finally realized....I can't handle this.

I needed some alone time.

In the midst of all of the clutter in my status feed, I knew it was time to get my book on paper.  I kept being drawn to it--and then distracted by how annoyed I was at the last article someone posted about Monsanto's GMO's. And you know, there's nothing worse than a creative block caused by your own lack of self-control to step away from the crazies.  If I didn't get this book on paper, I was gonna die.  If I didn't stop hearing about how Obama made his own flag for his campaign, I was gonna die. So, I ditched my status feed until I could get some serious writing done (and until elections are over).

I have to say, it has been quite liberating. I don't think I've been annoyed at all in the last week.  And, I've written a chapter of my book. Touche!

I have a mama friend who once said that when you don't release what's inside of you, your body actually becomes toxic.  So true. This book has been brewing in my blood for the last six years (if not my whole life), and though I've taken many steps forward in it's progression, I finally got to the point where the preparation was complete. I have everything I need to write it.  Now, I just had to actually do it.  Kind of like a detox. You buy all your lemons and maple syrup and cayenne pepper, and then, you muster up the courage to take a drink. And it's time.

Not to mention, all the toxicity I absorbed from my status feed also had to get out. We like to think that that stuff doesn't make long term effects on us, but it does.  Every snide, ugly, angry remark gets programmed into my DNA.  And the only way for me to get it out was to turn it off.

Interestingly enough, as soon as I did this and then as soon as I wrote a chapter of my book, I started throwing up. Detox central.  My guess is that what I just experienced can only be compared to what it feels like to detox drugs. As my body shook and my head beaded with sweat, I often thought about people in rehab. Is this what that's like?  When we don't want to face our pain, we just numb it?  And at some point, if we want to really live, we have got to throw up?

So throw up I did.  There was nothing left in my body. Nothing.

In the process, I literally thought I might die. I had several flashes of myself in the hospital with IV bags.  Thankfully, it didn't get that far.

But you know what?

When my fever broke at 3am and when I woke up this morning, I felt like a brand new person.  I had all this joy because life really is good, and I didn't have to stay in stomach bug central.

Even though I would have preferred to detox a different way, this way definitely worked.  And my palate feels really, really clear.  I feel the creative energy to take more than baby steps now.  It feels more like full out flying.  And, for me, the first steps are always the hardest.  Now that those are pushed behind, I'm looking forward to what's coming.  You know it's gonna be good when it starts out like that.

No pain, no gain.

So, what's in your heart to do?  What is brewing that you really want to move forward into? What's distracting you?  What has become toxic?  Sometimes things that were life in one season become toxic in the next, and we are then faced with a choice. I tend to be the loyal type; it's sometimes hard for me to make those choices when it means stepping away from people or activities.  And yet, when I finally muster up the courage, it's always so much better.

All that to say, Happy Sunday!  I'm looking forward to eating something today.  Something that won't make me sick. :)