I Love NY.

Oh, yes, how I love thee.

We just spent 5 glorious days in the Big Apple.  Though this was not our first trip there, but in fact our sixth, it still felt like the first time in many ways.  It was the first time I had a baby slung across my chest for a 5 mile walk through the City.  It was the first time I saw my baby girl light up Times Square with her smile while also making friends with anyone and everyone in the city.  Scary person on the subway? She'll make you smile. Just give her a few minutes.

We walked, we ate, we drank coffee...a lot.  We soaked up the City; the sounds of illegal horn-honking, the smells of both pizza...and sewage, the sights of bright lights blinking and billboards glowing.  And not only that, but we also soaked in the joy of possibility.  The refreshing drink of dreams coming true, the impossible becoming possible.  David teetered in the Financial District where "the suits" work and busily check off their to do lists, drinking hot coffee and chatting on their cell phones.  I got teary-eyed as we walked down 44th Street in the Theater District.  Peeking in backstage doors, butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

New York City.  Yes, please.

It's a dream we have.  To live there.  To work there.  Whether on Wall Street or Broadway, Fox News, or NBC studios---we dream.  And then commit.  To walking through the doors that are open to us, leaving behind fear and the "what if's" and the "be realistic's".  And we agree with those longings, those butterflies, those "this is who I am" moments.  And in doing so,  not only does NYC transform us, but we transform it.  A divine exchange of faith, hope, and love....with reality.

It's lifechanging.

Not only for us, but for the scary guy on the subway that needed a cute baby to make him smile.

And as I walked through the busy streets,  I thought back, to over 6 years ago when I first felt that nudging to move back into my creativity.  To say no to the status quo and to pursue what my heart beated for.  Not long after I had my first dream (real dream) about doing voice over work--becoming a cartoon.  A few months later, I run into a NYC veteran who ran a top-notch acting school.  He told me to check out his website for classes.  Well, lookie what we have here, a voice over class.  Next thing I know, I have a great coach, a demo, and my first job.  I've gotten the opportunity to take acting classes with LA casting directors and celebrity voice over artists.  I've done auditions for commercials and videogames...got call backs and even been chosen first out of a list of many auditionees.  Could this really be happening?

And not only that, but then David gets scheduled for a trip to NY for a National Book Expo with hundreds of authors from around the country.  Did I mention I'm writing a book?

I say all this to say--it sure does pay to be yourself.  And even more so, God is way more faithful than any of my fears or insecurities, or "I don't know if I could do that's".  He wants me to be me more than I could even dream of being me. (Wait, what?)

But really, it sure does make me wonder...  The world.  It just might be a happier, more productive, more beautiful place if we each took a step toward the little pitter patters in our hearts.  Let God open up some doors for us to become ourselves.  I mean, could you imagine?  An earth full of people being who they were created to be? Doing what they were created to do? The joy.  The productivity.  The life.

Call me a dreamer, but that's they way I see it.  And that's the way I'm going.  Moving forward, discovering the vast uniqueness that is Him in me.  Making peace in my own heart.  And then hopefully spreading it to the scary guy on the subway, or the lonely rich lady on the Upper East side, or my neighbor down the street, or my cashier at Kroger.

It's contagious.  And full of adventure...........

Me and my Ella Junebug--on top of 30 Rock.

(corresponding song: Starlight by Muse)

Books.

I get myself into this silly little mess every so often.  Or more than every so often.

I start reading a great book...only to see another book that catches my eye... and then another book that looks really interesting until I line up all the books that I am "currently" reading, and it looks like this:

Let's just say, I really like to learn. I'm constantly searching out the life stories of various peoples, the joy of a fiction book that whispers directly to my soul, and of course, all the books that teach me how to organize my closet in "3 easy steps". Oy.

One thing that I've learned from all my book reading is for sure:  The more I learn, the less I know.  You know what I mean? Reading is actually quite humbling.  There certainly are a lot of life experiences out there, and a lot of stories where God met people in unexpected and outrageous ways.  Ways that never would have fit into my plan of how things were to "be".

And yet, that's the beauty of reading...and writing...and living.  Each line is a glimpse of history.  Each sentence a melody of words beautifully dancing on a page, flowing out of personal tragedy or triumph  (fiction or not) that each contain the grains and fibers of the life of a human being. History-in-the-making.  Each of us.

It's really quite beautiful.

As I've been in the progressing stages of writing my own book, I've been reading through my journals from years past.  It's really been enlightening.  When you have those thoughts like "I'm really not sure I've been making much progress", go back to your journal from a few years ago.  It'll make you feel better.

A lot better.

Though some of the yearnings and prayers are still similarly themed to those that I have today, I have seen exponential growth.  I have seen victories, both big and small.  And I have been continually peeled back layer by layer like a pungent onion just waiting to decorate a juicy cheeseburger.  And it's delicious, each time another layer comes off, I know that a trip to Five Guys is around the corner.  The process of healing and triumph turns into food for the hungry.  There is something nourishing and satisfying about seeing the life experiences that once held you back become your greatest strength.  And how beautifully redemptive is that?

And so, as I make my way back to the library full of stories and histories to intertwine with, I am extremely grateful for the valuable life of another.  How each of us are connected through a written word, whether about how to recover from grief or how to train your overly enthusiastic St. Bernard.


What good books are you reading?


(corresponding song: New Slang by The Shins)

Cultivating Thankfulness.

I haven't written in a few weeks.  I've been in a really strange season.  Call it a wilderness, call it dry land, call it "do I need to get myself on meds?", call it whatever you may like.  We all go through them, usually after we receive a big promise or a big assignment.  You know, it's the "Here's what I've called you to" OH yippee yippee!!! And then there's the "You can get there by this route (insert desert)".  You may also like to call this: New levels, new devils.

You'd think after going this way several times before, we'd get a little smarter.

Or at least we'd remember the time this happened before.

Let's just say, sometimes I am smarter and other times I seem to forget that this has happened before.

But we're gainin' on her...

Step by Step.

Today's wisdom is brought to you by the days when "I seemed to forget this has happened before."

The days when I had "forgotten" left my heart very callused, hard, and ungrateful.  I decided to eat from the isolation tree which bore fruit that tasted like "I'll just take care of myself."

Yeah, tastes like barf.  I don't recommend it.

These were days focused on what I wanted and did not have---instead of being focused on the bounty of what I do have and being thankful for it. Two completely different perspectives.

Which lead to two very different places. Desert or Strawberry Field.

I realize that the desert place can be a result of a lot of different things--sometimes it's promotion and sometimes it's disobedience.  But what it always is and will forever always be is a call to Love.  To come up higher.  To Roll in the Deep.

The reason we got there ultimately matters not when we remember that our sin has already been taken care of.  Of course, the desert usually comes with a full load of repentance, but hopefully that comes from realizing the lies we've believed about who God is and who we are...

instead of from punishing ourselves for how "bad" we think we've been.  Two different perspectives.

It's true.

The desert has a way of drudging up the past--but only because it leads to freedom....to the Strawberry Fields.  And the moment I begin to cultivate thankfulness for my surroundings and for what has already been taken care of, I see more strawberries instead of scorpions.

I stop for a rest at an oasis here and then continue into the sun, feeling the sting of heat, knowing that my next oasis is coming shortly.  I feel the raw emotions, I remember, and I offer them up.  No need to strive my way through forgiveness,

I just surrender.

And place my callused and broken places before the feet of the One who already knows "why".


And then I drink.


Fresh and Living Water. Rolling in the Deep.



Because I am not an orphan, I am a child of the King.


Two different perspectives.


And I am on a journey--not for riches or fame or success--but into the heart of the One who made me.  And though "goodness will indeed follow me for the rest of my life", I will resolve in my heart never to look at those individual blessings for my identity or for my security.  They will instead be an outpouring of "dwelling in the House of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23)



Now that's some Good News.




(corresponding song: Rolling in the Deep by Adele)